Monday, December 21, 2009

performance fail.

i had a performance last night. 2 people rolled with me. camera on deck. none of my crew was there, though.
so, the reason why i even came to this bar place to perform is because the promoter dude personally called me on my cell and was like " yo, Turbo, we were feeling your last performance and a couple of people here were just wondering if you could come here again and who knows, we do this event regularly so you can use it as a place to practice or whatever you know?"

I was with it. like an idiot, I was with it.
So I was like "really? that's wussup, i'll see what I can do..."

the next night ( last night ) I went out there with the 2 homies and camera and what not...we were understandably under the impression that I was going to perform. I had a cd with instrumentals on it and everything.
I get there, dude is all like Hey wussup, glad that you could make it. We are doing like a little advertising thing for the event and I need you to record like a little promotion thing and hold up this sign and tell people where they can check you out at" ...etc. etc.

I was with it. like an iiiiidiot, I was with it.
I go outside where there's this bright light and the camera man (he had a pretty nice camera though) and the promoter. Excuse me if my grammar and what not is horrible when I'm typing stuff like this because I know that I won't be getting graded on this. If there are other english majors out there or even anyone who has the pet peeve of horrible grammar and stuff....forgive me.
ok, back to the story.

I do the thing like "yo what up this turbo t. double here at the blu monkey lounge - be sure you come out to support this event called "i got bars' - it's really cool, a good opportunity. i was here last time and it was cool and blah blah blah ' - just saying good an idiot. mind you, the whole time, this photographer was taking pictures during the interview... i don't know if ya'll know how I feel about pictures but....yeah. I DON'T exactly like them that much... this is the start of the rapid downwards spiral.

after that...i go back inside the club with my two boys...chilled for a bit..twittered "at the performance place"....and then I thought...'hey, don't they need my instrumentals if the performances are gonna start here pretty soon"

I then go up to the dude...and that's when he is like " man to keep it 100 with you, i got alotta cats coming out here for the first time and it wouldn't be fair if they dont get to perform so to keep it 100 with you, you might not perform tonight and if you do, it's gonna be laaaaate in the night".....

how would that make you feel? what would you have done?
Does this dude know that I have 2 ppl taking time out of their life to come see me perform? That gas money was used because we don't stay up the street from Hollywood Blvd?

I attempted to get the promotion footage that was recorded - deleted... that didn't work, that's wussup.
then i was like, autobots, let's roll out.
and we bounced.
and wen't to the Saddle Ranch in Hollywood.
Met some dudes from Australia who wanted to buy BB guns....and wanted to know where Inglewood was at and if they would be ok with what they were wearing. ( color wise) They said that it was illegal for them to own paintball guns over there and that they don't have a football team. Then we talked about guitar amps and about Vegas since they were going there for the New Years. They were funny and pretty cool. I gave one of them a Youtube/Scrambletv card.
then we drove around the rich houses in beverly hills and bel-air.
that's it.

but the main point of this blog entry is just to say that I have an invisible LIST. A list in which I think everyone has. I believe Jay-Z said on his song "So Ambitious" concerning his uncle or someone who wasn't feeling his music that That person was "on the list".

that promoter, the camera man, the photographer, and even the rappers that were there, are on my list. an invisible potential 'i told you so' list. Along with everyone who has called me a 'nobody' and everyone who has doubted anything in which I have set out to do. I really want to be able to go where people appreciate my music.
I wan't to go to different states and countries. It's just very frustrating... especially when SIGNED artist know about you and your situation, when promoters are scandalous, and when you lack the appropriate 'networking' skills within, I guess, the 'hip hop community'.

Most, if not all, of my connects are in the Movie industry, the Gaming industry, and the Education industry...and as of right now this whole dream of Hip Hop in the PHYSICAL REALM is not looking very logical. It's alot to think about but seriously, I think it is the fact that you, the reader, are down with the [insert another word for 'movement'...I don't wanna say movement] that makes me continue to make 'something out of nothing' [Ozone video]

Dropping music completely and focusing all energy on my film career could result in being more productive - however - I know that that would be impossible because of my major passion in music and having to live with the fact that all of the nay-sayers were right and that I am indeed a sucker and a quitter.
Can't go out like that.
times like this, I guess, are tests or something? idk. But this is [insert a phrase that says 'more than music' or something like that, i don't wanna say 'more than music' ] and I do it for the hood?
and for Dz, Saylen, Armor, Slash MF Merritt, friends, family, honest hearted connects, superb supporters, the 20 iTunes purchasers, positive Youtube commenters, fellow talented rappers, and Busta and Long Long...and etc. etc.

there will most likely be more vents. it helps.

all in all, like a broken record, Scramble UP.


Ugo Duru said...

Man, I love, dont even quit.. cause hot real're my second favorite emcee next to Lupe sounds like im trying to suck up, nah, im not even trying to man..but forreal, no homo zone, you inspire me..I'm always looking forward to the next some thats coming out...or next mixtape..or just some new music from you...dont stop making music that would be talent gone to forreal forreal.. man, I feel you though..that existence of an invinsible list that you have..I have that too..make them look stupid like jigga man(jay-z)


P.S. this is like a perfect time to promote myself..but just to show how loyal of a fan I not saying this is like promotion in itself..but you get up like a lay up.

Jayn Doe said...

I'm sorry to hear how things went down, T. They honestly just let you slip through their fingers. Don't let your dream slip through yours, though. Regardless of what you choose to do, we support you and always got love for you. Your scramble is too strong to even be touched now. Keep that head up,


Anonymous said...

you are almost there mannnn..
hang in there

Armor the Armored Assistant said...

its all good sir

Internet Goon said...


amirah. said...

keep going turbo! don't let haters stop your hustle! stay ambitious!

the motivation for me is them telling me what I could not be...oh well!

Anonymous said...

don't listen to all these positive comments nigga...QUIT!

BibbleFoshizzle said...

Stay up Turbo. Let the haters hate, you know you got skills. Keep Scramblin' mannnnnnnn

Ziggy said...

Man, you got a gift, and sooner or later your skills will be discovered. Hang in there bro, you got people listening to ya from all over the world! We all believe in you and we cant wait for some new Turbo!

PlatinumAssassin said...

Ignore the nay-sayers and keep doing what you do, sir. There's always gonna be haters who don't recognize raw talent when they see it. Your music is where its at and the hip hop scene would be much sorrier to lose someone with such an intrinsic knowledge of word and bar manipulation that comes from majoring in English and pure talent. I for one, and more than likely, all the people who visit the blog/Twitters/Youtube/etc on a regular basis support you. Real deal.

In short, keep scramblin'.

B-Winnizle said...

Gotta do what you gotta do, T-Dub. I would have done the same thing. That's just unprofessional.

BTW, I let some friends listen to the ithinki iTunes single and they loved it. I hope they went out and bought it.

Stop being "So Ambitious" said...

I know everyone thinks having a lack of ambition is wack and we gotta prove these hatas wrong and succeed and all but actually we should stop being "So Ambitious". Stay with me here for a second. Lets pretend to View Ambition as a negative phenomenon. The more a person is suffering from inferiority, the more ambitious he becomes.The more inferiority you experience, the more you feel that you are nothing, the more you will become ambitious. Why? Through ambition, you want to prove yourself in the eyes of the world and in your own eyes, so that nobody makes the mistake of considering you inferior. I will tell you a small story to help you understand. You may have heard the name of Tamerlane – he fought and defeated a small country. The king of that country was Baijal; he was arrested and brought before Tamerlane, duly handcuffed. Defeated, Baijal stood in front of Tamerlane, who was sitting on a throne with his advisers and soldiers standing by.

Tamerlane began to laugh. It was natural that Baijal should get angry; Baijal, though defeated, was a king. He lifted his head proudly and told Tamerlane not to be foolish. ”He who laughs at others’ defeat has some day to shed tears at his own defeat.”

But Tamerlane said, ”I am not laughing at your defeat. I am not so foolish as to laugh over such a small victory. I am laughing at the fact that I am a lame man and you are a man with one eye. How strange God is, that he gives kingships to lame and one-eyed men!”

If I were present at that time I would have told Tamerlane that nobody else asks for kingships except for those who are lame and blind. No wise person would like to become a king. No wise person would like to become a politician. No wise person would want to sit on the chest of another person. No wise person would like to bring someone else down to his feet or be his owner. All these things are desired by the diseased and inferior man residing within us.

The mental states of inferiority and weaknesses within us – the lameness and blindness – want to be hidden. We are running to hide them and to prove that the whole world is wrong, that we are alright. We have proved our might, and we are trying to prove to others that we are not weak or wanting. This is the race of the inferior mind.

continued said...

The education based on ambition is, at its root, based on violence. Ambition is not a dignity to the personality; it is an inferiority of the personality. Everybody in the world is afraid of being nobody. Everybody wants to have a name, to be a VIP. Everyone wants to have a position, a good reputation and a house of his own. Who is creating this madness? It is created by our education.

The education is right which can say that you are enough as you are; that you do not have to be anything else, you are enough as you are. Explore all your possibilities and experience the joy of it. Do not be in a race with anyone. It is not necessary; there is no reason for doing so. If Education can make every person aware that one is enough as one is, and can enable him to experience the bliss of it, if education can make facilities available for the full growth of what one has – facilities for growth, not for ambition; facilities for love, not for competition; facilities for self awakening and consciousness, not for conflict with others – then such education will be able to bring about a fundamental revolution in the world.

As long as education is not able to do this, it is not in the interest of man; on the contrary it is harmful to man, it poisons the human mind. Whatsoever we have is enough. What is lacking in anyone? If a person does not become ambitious, the world is not lacking in anything. If a person does not become diseased with the madness of ambition he has everything. But he is not able to see that.

How can he see? We only see what others have. One who is ambitious always sees what others have, he is not able to see what he has. It is interesting to note that if tomorrow he is able to get what others have, he will cease to see that too. Again, he will begin to see what others have. Just think and see if it is true or not. You have two eyes, two hands, two legs; you are breathing; you have a body – it is a great wealth with which you can create a great many things.

Anonymous said...

Man, hang in there bro! Nothing can ever stop the scramble! 15(x)!!!!

dena.DUHH said...

Sorry to hear how things turned out, but I'm sure that more positive things are in store for you. Don't stop the scramble!

BZ said...

I see there has been a lot goin on here.
Im not gonna reiterate it just to be sayin it, cuz I agree w/ everyone here. Just wanna let u know, that u cant get out of it now! too many people depend on you. just like those 2 cats who wasted their night and gas money to watch you; we "waste" (not waste, but u see what im sayin) our time keepin up on ur blog, checkin your youtube every day. reading your tweets, scanning for new scrambles... we need you like the music business needs a "T.Double!!" its not even about the "music" anymore... its about getting you where you DESERVE to be.

live3054 said...